Van City in Mind in Time





the Performer

Untitled

A Letter to Anyone Who Ever Thought They Knew Me

Wishing

December 26 2oo5. Acrylic

Need to stretch this painting.
Coffee and cigarettes. Always the best way for me to dive deep into my mind. Alone, I find all the bits of life.
Sit, think, write...
...dreaming. Go in deep. Deep and down. The darkness thickens. I can smell a depression brewing. I welcome the feelings. Looking forward to the flood of creativity to follow. My pen flows. My thoughts released.
January 12 2oo5
Both tired and energized. Something is missing. A void is birthed. Emptiness. Allencompassing. In the same space and time. For a moment of unmeaserable length. Short. Long. One may never know. The vastness of the void is entirely cluttered. Absolute chaos. Eternal confusion. The abortion of explanation. Something is missing. Inspiration is born. A fiending bastard. Mind fumbles. Brushes rape. Pens pillage. Ideas are slaughtered. The abortion of sanity. Art is born.

Robson Street
Summer 2005. Acrylic

Made good use of my thread ripping technique in this one. Drew it first, glued the thread on, then I applied a few layers of black gesso. After smoothing the canvas out with regular white gesso, I ripped the thread through to reveal the drawing. From a distance most people think this one is just a sketch.
I guess this painting is my thoughts about Robson St. and the kind of feeling I get from being on Robson St. The feelings I get from those that spend their time and money on this strip. Hollow. Alone. Empty, and it's all the same. Repetition. This street is better then me. I'm not cool enough, nor am I rich enough. I guess I'm ok with that. My pockets might have holes in them, but my heart does not. Robson Street, what an interesting place. A busy street. A place to watch the people drift buy. A coffee at blenz. I'm ok, just sitting here, but i'd rather be sitting on the sidewalk. I wouldn't get away with that on this block. Hmm, think I'll go spend my time somewhere else.

A Rose For Any Other Purpose
January 17 2oo6. Acrylic


Flowers. We give, get, grow and kill all kinds of different flowers for all kinds of different reasons.
Behind every good intention is a hidden one. Sometimes these hidden intentions are good too, harmless and whole hearted. Sometimes...
...well, sometimes they are completely selfish, painful and manipulative. A deadly seduction lurking in the pit of someones darkest cravings. A back stabbing with a beautiful and believable front. Life is full of this kind of shit. It's going on all around us. We are apart of it. I am apart of it.
Watch as we thrive. Success at the cost of friends, family and love. Burn down your morals. Rip the face of values. Do this in my memory. Do this for all your own reasons.

3 5 2 9 6
Fall 2oo5. Acrylic

As an artist I often find myself boiling up inside with frustration and creativity. There are times when I can't get it out fast enough. Times when the creativity is so strong that I can't even begin to draw, write, paint...

...can't do anything to release.

November 22 2oo5

3 5 2 9 6
my brain. fix it.
the thoughts won't stop.
voices in my head.

no.

they aren't voices. they are thoughts. plans. ideas. blueprints and memos. not stopping. they are designing. building and painting. millions of thoughts. millions of projects. they could break this room down to it's individual pieces and using only these parts and those bits. some of that. build. they could build. organize. organize. efficiancy. must always be problem solving. make something. anything. 15 inches to outside. how could that be modified. be smaller. tidier. in order. how could it become open. easier on the eyes. better access. bigger. stay closed. this over there. that goes.

yeah. ok. now this here and that there. no. there. ok. now that over. bring this in. and that's gotta. nope. that's gotta go there. perfect.for now. 5 foot 8 inches. four shelves. mind races. can't sleep could build something. but what. one foot square. too many ideas. where do i start. my closet. a painting. finances. i could build otown her desk or finish reading. maybe i could get my life together. bills in one column. earnings in another. no. boxes. day to day spending on the left. plans to make a career on the bottom. no. flip chart style. white boards and erasable markers. sticky note.

in my head. it still hurts. if i sleep good tonight it will make sense tomarrow. it'll work. it'll be easy. cause i've already figured it out. if i'm rested i'll be able to do it. four stitches. double threaded. doors reversed. top swings up. bar out. shelf above. two lights. adjustable. seven. your not paying attention. good. i'll do more thinking. thoughts of things i'm gonna do for people. i don't want to talk. i wanna listen. with my headphones on.

my thoughts become super sized and super fast.